Former Manitoba premier’s daughter, Emily Doer, is an inspiring young woman. She started tea for E|D, a tea party fundraiser aimed to help raise money for the Health Sciences Centre Adult Eating Disorders Program. She personally struggled with bulimia, but is now raising funds for the very same program that helped her. Her first tea party, which was held this past February, raised an incredible $33,000. I had the privilege to talk to her about her personal experiences and her opinions on body image in the media today.
When did you develop an eating disorder and what do you think triggered it?
I actually didn’t even really realize that I had an eating disorder because it happened over such a long period of time. When I was in high school entering grade 11 I put on a lot of weight (40lbs). I was a very active person and I played a lot of sports, but when I stopped to get a job I put on weight really quickly and I felt horrible. I started losing the weight healthily at first. I joined Weight Watchers, started exercising, and began eating a more healthy balanced diet. I kept the weight off and I was pretty healthy for the most part.
I started working at a weight loss centre and that is when things kind of got out of control. I was living dieting essentially. It was all I talked about, thought about, and spent my time around. I started trying to lose more and more weight I began to amount my own self worth to a number on a scale. I would lose two pounds and feel great, then I would work on the next two. I slowly started cutting more and more foods out of my life and I basically got to a point where there were 10-12 foods I would eat, and I was consuming around 500 calories a day.
I lost approximately 40 more lbs and I was sitting around 105-10 lbs which is not a healthy or maintainable weight for me. After a while I started having urges to binge eat. At first they were just urges, and they confused me because I couldn’t figure out why I was craving all of these “horrible” foods that were on my no-no list, but eventually I couldn’t control the urges and I had my first binge and purge episode.
That was kind of the breaking point for me. I started binging and purging all the time. I have always been a type-A perfectionist type and the eating disorder was something that made me feel in control and feel good about myself in the beginning.The eating disorder was something I had used to try and feel in control in times of uncertainty or uncomfortable situations, and I got to a point where I was no longer in control on the eating disorder, it was controlling me.
I actually forgot what it felt like to live normally and I didn’t really know how to be without my eating disorder.
What was your personal reaction as well as the reactions of your friends and family when you started to lose the weight? How low did your weight get?
My lowest weight was 105 pounds, which doesn’t sound alarmingly low. I think that is part of the reason I never really thought I had a problem, because I was never “noticeably anorexic” I guess.
That is the thing that is the scariest I think, we as a culture have even created sort of an idea about what someone with an eating disorder looks like, when in reality eating disorders are all different. For example when I was bulimic I actually weighed more than I do now, so most people thought I was fine again, when really I was at my worst – binging and purging sometimes 10 times a day.
I learned through treatment and being around other people that were struggling that you can’t always see an eating disorder. Sometimes there are no obvious signs physically – they are more behavioural.
My family definitely picked up on my behaviours right away. It was no secret in my household but to the rest of the world I was seemingly normal. My family noticed how little I would eat, how obsessively I would talk about losing weight, and I stopped eating with them. I was also leaving to go to the washroom after I ate. Behaviourally I wasn’t myself. I was very edgy, depressed, anxious, and exhausted all of the time.
At what point did you realize that you needed help?
I knew I needed help when I could no longer go a day without binging and purging. I couldn’t really function anymore. I was doing poorly in school and my relationships with my family and friends were suffering. I was also binging in many other areas of my life. I was binge spending and at times binge drinking, so I knew it was just a lifestyle I didn’t want to live, and I couldn’t really keep up with it anymore.
My family was a big part of the help I received. We are all really close and my parents and sister really supported and encouraged me to seek help.
At what age did you begin recovering?
I entered treatment in April 2011 just after I turned 21. I went through the Health Sciences Centre Adult Eating Disorders Program which is an inpatient and outpatient intensive therapy program. I spent my summer there, so approximately 4 months.
Did you ever relapse?
Everyone has a different idea of what a relapse is. Some feel it is urges and others think it is behaviours. I have urges almost daily. It is always on my mind, but treatment gave me the skills and mindset to make positive and healthy choices where before I couldn’t. Sometimes I still have behaviours or “relapses” but I know what I have to do to get back on track now, or I can sit down and really think about what triggered my behaviours and work through these things.
What do you feel has been the biggest accomplishment you’ve achieved since overcoming your eating disorder?
My biggest accomplishment I think has been to share my story. It was really difficult to go public with my struggle, but I think it is really important for others to know that they are not alone. Silence is such a huge barrier for mental illness and we have to work together to break these down.
If one person hears my story and can feel good knowing that they aren’t the only ones going through it, that’s all I care about. Knowing that I can make a difference in just one young girl’s life makes it all worth it.
My greatest accomplishment I think is just starting a conversation, and I certainly didn’t do it alone. There were a lot of young women who I met in my community who inspired me, and I have a wonderful support group that gave me the courage to speak out about my own story.
What do you think the media does to alter young girls perception of whats ‘beautiful’?
I think the media definitely puts a lot of pressure on young women to look a certain way. I still catch myself looking at magazines and thinking, “oh wow she looks great,” and then I have to stop and remind myself that it isn’t reality, and that looking like that model won’t make me a better person or happier.
I have also learned that there are some great role models out there working to change the conversation. I think of women like Demi Lovato and Lady Gaga who are bravely putting themselves out there and sharing their stories and it gives me hope. I have also met some great local reporters and news stations who approached me and wanted to hear my story, and I think it is important that there are good people like that out there who cover these issues, give us to tools to reach a broader audience, and break the silence.
What do you think about ‘thinspiration’ and the pro-ana/pro-mia sites that teen girls visit nowadays?
I think it is really unfortunate that these sites exist but everyone is just looking for some support or somewhere to belong. Personally I have always avoided these sites. I hope that teen girls struggling with these issues stumble upon sites like yours, or mine, or NEDIC first and realize that there is help out there, and understand that people die from eating disorders. Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of all mental illness and 10-20% die from health complications. I have met so many people who have lost loved ones, it is really scary.
What would you say to girls who are currently struggling with an eating disorder or who are unhappy with their body?
I think it is really important to talk to someone and share with someone you trust, or sometimes it’s easier to talk to someone you don’t know that well, like a psychologist who can give you professional advice. To overcome these issues you need support to overcome these issues, and everyone’s road is different. The first step is definitely reaching out to someone.
Check out the video from the tea party here, and stay tuned for more events! Special thanks to Emily Doer for taking the time to do this.