Read this amazing and true story of recovery and what it truly means to concur self-harm and an ED. This was sent in by a girl just like you, and rather than have this story be posted anonymously she has chosen to go under the alias Samantha.
People say that recovery is this great thing. And it is, don’t get me wrong, but people make it out to be like Disney Land, where it’s so easy to get to, all you have to do is want to go there. But trust me, it’s not that easy. I will say one thing though, it’s definitely worth it. After all, it saved my life.
A developing eating disorder, an exercise obsession, self-harm and an almost suicide attempt. Yup, I definitely earned that room in the ER. That was when I finally realized that I had a problem, and I needed serious help. And that’s exactly what I ended up with; an entire team of adults working towards getting me better and into recovery.
A teacher, a guidance counselor, the school board’s social worker and my very own social worker at the hospital. They say it takes a village to raise a child, well it took my own little village to help get me into recovery.
Now, I’m not going to go on about how I ended up where I did because, let’s be honest, it doesn’t matter, I was in that ER. What did matter though, was where I was going next. Just like it doesn’t matter where you are now, it only matters where you’re going from here.
For those who haven’t gone through recovery, it’s as if the word has its own definition. But the truth is that it doesn’t. Recovery is different for each and every person. The truth however, is that no matter who you are, recovery isn’t about no longer being triggered to not eat, or purge or self-harm, it’s about being able to resist those urges. It’s about being able to stand strong and say “yes, this may be triggering me, but I’m not going to let it control me.”
Every day is still a battle for me. Sure, some are easier than others. But some are almost so impossible it’s only inches that spare me from relapsing. But I strongly believe that it’s the support of those who I come into contact with daily or even for brief moments that keeps me strong and determined. It really does start off with small goals. For me, it’s getting a tattoo of a dream catcher over my scars (which I’ll get once I’ve gone at least a year without relapsing).
If you’re considering recovery, it’ll be the hardest thing you ever do, but it’ll also be the greatest. You find out who’s really there for you, who loves you, who cares about you, who you can trust. But most importantly, you find out who you are. You find this strength inside yourself that you never could’ve imagined was there.
Find the right support. Try out 2 or 3 or even 10 different counsellors if you have to. Think of them as boyfriends, if one doesn’t work, onto the next. Because it’s YOUR recovery and you need someone perfect for YOU.
You’re an amazing person, I promise you that. You’re beautiful, inside and out. So go look in that mirror (seriously, go!) and smile, because it’s most stunning thing you could ever possibly wear. And remember; you are loved, you are cared about and you will be incredibly missed if you were to ever do anything to hurt yourself.
-Samantha